Hagalaz and the Storms of the Past
Hagalaz the rune means “hail” or “the creation after the storm”. Hagalaz, the first rune of the second aett, signifies a significant shift of energy or rebirth. The hail storms of Hagalaz can seem terrifying, but the same hail that destroys life also melts into water that nourishes beautiful flowers and brings life to all things. The cyclic nature of Hagalaz is a reminder that the most beautiful things can come into your life after a storm which has shattered your reality and caused a tremendous shock to your system.
While the destruction of a storm is hard to ignore, once it clears, however, it is easy to take for granted the serenity that follows. Have you ever stepped outside after a powerful storm and listened? It’s not so much what you hear, but what you don’t. The silence after the storm, as the cool breeze drapes its frosty arms over the land and the soaked earth glistens under the golden sun that has finally shown its face.
More often than not, we rush into what we had planned before the storm, abandoning this memory of pain in the “I’d rather not think of it” folder in our minds.
I have always had what my mom calls a “winter spirit”, I like cold weather, I feel at peace waking in the morning to the earth blanketed in snow, and I have my most inspiring thoughts in the silence of the forest on a cold winter day. I smile in the chilly rain of autumn, and I even get seasonal depression in the summer, going on holidays to colder places to escape the heat. I’m accustomed to cold winters, but in spite of my love of everything frozen, I was not entirely prepared for a winter of the spirit like I’ve endured in recent years.
Looking back, I can say I have walked through a storm, a whirling blizzard that left me lost in an abyss of regrets and abandoned hopes. I discovered profound loss, emptiness and hopelessness. I was betrayed, manipulated and stolen from by people who claimed to love me. I struggled to create a rewarding life in a place where I did not feel welcomed and where I was an outsider.
This summer was unusually hot and dreadful, and after it had finally passed, I had a revelation that I needed to immediately clean my spirit in the ocean and stand face to face with my gods, nature. On the day before the Autumn Equinox, I boarded a train for the Atlantic coast of France. I woke before sunrise every morning and watched the sun steadily forge its way into the sky, shining like a billion fires to shine light into the hopeless corners of my soul. The water glowed with millions of year of memories, millions of lives past and my own tears joined them, a small drop in the history of the most powerful force on earth.
When I finally met with the ocean for this surrender, I ran into the cold waves and sunk silently beneath as all the pain was washed away by the Atlantic. I felt the gods whisper to my soul.
“Leave this behind you, the journey has space for change. Your time is now, so leave the suffering here.”
The sun felt different as I walked from the freezing waters and left my footprints and traces of the memories in the sand behind me, and I didn’t look back until I was far enough away to smile upon them.
Finally, the storm had passed, and now I stroll quietly, observing the gentle wreckage washed ashore, of my memories and my mistakes, and I recognise that they are where they belong, in the past. They are slowly being washed away in the melting ice and floating on the river of past regressions into the ocean, where they fade into oblivion.
After a storm, we can be more grateful than ever to breathe the fresh, damp air, to open our eyes to an empty space, full of only the remnants of dreams and fading darkness. Each morning, as I open my window and breath in the cold, morning air, I am grateful that the storm has passed and that I have made it to the rebirth, a chance to rewrite the future.
The storm can be violent, the hail can be deadly, shredding our sails, leaving us stranded as we are tossed about in the turbulence of life. The storm always ends though, and the ice melts and leaves an experience that lends new wisdom to the future. The critical part is the forward motion of nurturing something after the storm. Each step after the storm warms the soul and reminds us that life is a journey based on continued growth after chaos.
Gently close the door on the cold wind of those memories, it is time to blossom, the gods are with you.
